F**k Sexual Harassment, Part 1

There is an old joke from the late '80's, "Did you hear Ted Kennedy lost the Senate Spelling Bee? He thought harass was two words."

I don't know why I included this, other than I think it's funny. There are a lot of things I find funny, from Jack Ass to Daniel Tosh. I like comedy that's stupid to surreal. But, collectively as a society, we've lost our sense of humor. Jack Ass was pretty popular when it aired on MTV although it involved a lot of dick jokes and guys getting hit in the balls. When I attended opening night of Jack Ass 2 the audience was equally graced by men and women. There was a lot of cheering and applauds. Everyone seemed to have a good time.

So, why does society accept piss, shit and genital jokes from comedians and movies, but if I say "dick" at work I'm "offensive". It's bullshit! I started to type, "our speech is censored", but that's cliche', and frankly, stupid. We're stifled by a supposed boogy man, our own minds.

To illustrate, last year a student was suspended from Redmond Junior High School for using a phrase oft quoted on NBC's The Office.

According to the report, a student made the (innocent) comment “you need to push it in further.” The offender’s reply: “That’s what she said!”

Of course it's juvenile, but it was said by a juvenile who heard it used on television. Not cable mind you, he wasn't quoting Lady Chatterley's Lover, but a program on network television shown during "the family hour". Nothing the young man said was offensive, except in the context of how the complainant [the teacher] heard it. Was he intending to make an off-color joke? Of course, but his comment did not "harass" anyone.

Sexual harassment began as a way to protect people (primarily women) from unwanted sexual advances in the workplace. The original definition identified sexual harassment as, " . . . the threat of job-loss or other punitive retaliation for not engaging in sexual behavior with a superior." It has now devolved to, " . . . a person feeling uncomfortable in the workplace for a comment or action of another individual." Fuck! That can be anything. Well, anything done by a man.

Oh, right now I have many of you up in arms. "It's not just a maaaannn. That's so sexist." Well, let's examine a scenario:

A man arrives at his workplace wearing a pair of Farah slacks from the 1970's and his shirt open to the third button. Not particular up-to-date look, but hey, he's comfortable. Well, the slacks are tight-fitting and provide an outline of his trouser buddy. A female co-worker goes to her supervisor and complains about the man's unsightly bulge and his exposed chest. The man is called into the office, lectured about inappropriate clothing in the office and given a written warning. This scars his employment record and he loses a promotion. (Of course, his choice of clothing may not have helped simply for it's lack of style, but I digress . . .)

Now, envision a woman in the same office. She arrives wearing pants so tight they appear to be painted on. She is sporting what is euphemistically referred to as "camel toe". Yep, that notorious cleft that says, "I'm not a tranny." In addition to the barely-there pants, she's wearing CFM pumps and a tight, white sweater straining to contain her love pillows. A man in the office feels this is inappropriate (this is a different department, so is not retaliation for the Farah slacks incident). He complains to a supervisor about "Lady Gaga" and feels her dress is creating a hostile work environment. If (and I mean if) he is taken seriously the woman may get a brief mention, in passing, that she may want to "tone it down". This is if the supervisor is male. In which case the complainant will later be ridiculed as a "fag" by the other males and receive hostile looks from the women in the office because he complained about "Barbie". If the supervisor is a woman it is likely he'll be treated as the problem because he was inappropriately staring at "Barbie" and she may not appreciate his leering. He's now the lech as it's his fault he looked.

Before you cry "bullshit", think about it. If I walked up to a manager and said, "Ginger's sexually harassing me by wearing those pants. They're so tight I can tell she's not wearing underwear." I would be the one reprimanded for making sexual comments in the workplace. If I was wearing the afore mentioned Farah's and a woman said, in a loud voice, "Hey, it looks like Darren's cock is about to jump out of his pants!" The remaining women would laugh and, again, I would be the one who would get pulled aside and told my attire was not appropriate for the workplace.

So fuck sexual harassment.

If I tell an off-colored joke, get over it. In private conversations you've told dirtier jokes. If I comment that you have pretty eyes, it was a compliment, not a come-on. If I touch you to get your attention or keep you from tripping, I wasn't groping you. We're not your enemies, simply people trying to get through a work day and make the best of it.

So take a pill, relax, and get laid. We're tired of the complaining.