So, a friend posted the question, "Why is it so hard for a guy to ask a girl out? You like her, she like you. What it the problem here men?"
Unfortunately for her . . . I answered.
[Darren] Signals, my dear, signals. From a young age we differentiate between "friends" and "lovers". If the relationship has moved into the "friends zone" it's really hard to move it out. The spark that comes with the first attraction when you're just acquaintances changes with friendship. The desire to "get physical" is muted when the person is your ... friend.
If that happens, you have to kick start the romance. This may mean telling the guy your romantic intentions. That you value them as a friend, but truly find them attractive, that they excite you, and would love it if they asked you out. Their response will guide you on how to proceed.
Love and attraction is something that cannot be forced. A square peg may fit into a round hole, but it leaves a lot of gaps. Romance requires a spark.
Later, one of her friends replied
[Conchita] That is a super answer! Thank you. And AMEN to you Lucy for asking the question. You go girl!!!)
Me . . .
[Darren] Just tryin' to be helpful.
She was thankful . . .
[Conchita] Well that was very helpful!) I guess I have to a lot more kick starting. Lol ;)
So another of her friends decides to chime in . . .
[Brenda] Men? Really who understands them.
. . . and this begat this . . .
[Becky] Sorry to say this (Keep in mind I am old and bitter) BOYS SUCK! Gosh, now I feel better. BTW - if you figure this out, let me know.
And now I can't let it go, because, well, it's me.
[Darren] Brenda, remember Men say the same about women. You torment us in our teens then confuse us as adults. That's part of what you have to understand. You were probably making a joke, but what you said is important. Your lack of understanding mirrors our lack of understanding.
Let's use a blunt example:
We meet, touch and smile. It is apparent from body language that you (the female) are very interested in physical contact. You are thinking that the touch of the person you are with would be incredible. If I were to speak openly with you, I'd say, "Brenda, I find you exciting and incredibly sexy. I would really like to slide you out of those jeans and make love to you." Your interest becomes scorn. "What kind of a girl do you think I am?!", you may say. Well, from the signals I received, one who is as horny as I am. But you have now shut down the guy for speaking to you honestly based upon the physical signals you sent.
I am not suggesting ANYONE should mate with someone of the opposite sex just because they're feeling physically "wound up". I simply use this as an extreme example of how we all want the same goal (dating, relationship, sex, marriage, etc.) but express our desires differently.
Simplify your signals and you may find it easier to read those of others.
. . . and then I couldn't stop . . .
[Darren] Conchita, you'd be surprised how much a coy smile and a lingering touch does to kick-start a relationship.
. . . and on I went . . .
[Darren] . . . and Becky, not to be crass, but boys who suck are not the kind you want to date. They play with a different set of rules and you are not their "target market".
. . . and now the friend fears things are spiralling out of control . . .
[Penelope] oh wow .ok so maybe i should of not ask this ?.. It is geting a little out of hand. Just whated to know why . So sorry .
. . . and I can't let go . . .
[Darren] Chill, Pickle! I did not use profanity and I honestly answered the question.
So the friend feels obligated to respond . . .
[Penelope] Darren , ok ok. just dont what to hurt any ones feelings. guess just haveing a hard time with this one. I think it is just one of those days. we all have them right? Im going to blame it on the rain. thanks they for being honesly, You were all way a good friend. But it is ture the single men i know do not ask the woman out, I was just geing on my soap box. i have found that i really like them at times. ( the soap boxes )
. . . su soapbox, mi soapbox . . .
[Darren] . . . but, I think it stinks that some guys (nee', boys) don't have the intestinal fortitude necessary to ask a woman out. A fear of rejection is a loss of happiness. Come on, guys. Make a moment, a memory, a lifetime, an eternity. If failure is your only option then step aside for those who embrace the gift of life by living.
